The Generosity of Golfers
… might be a contradiction in terms, do you think?
“Pick it up! Hell, you’d give it to me.” This was in reference to a five footer, downhill, sliding left to right.
“That surely wasn’t what you meant to do! Take a mulligan!” This after an errant tee shot comfortably comes to rest under a juniper bush about 50 yards off the tee.
“Heck, just take a drop up there next to the green.” This after seeing a wayward wedge bounce off the cart path and across the street out-of-bounds.
Golfers are a generous bunch, feeling their partners’ pain, wanting to assuage each other’s egos. Unless there is something important on the line, like beer after the match, or a two dollar Nassau. Then it’s going to be:
“There’s still some chicken left on that bone!”
“Ouch! Well, just take a drop and try to get up-and-down for a bogey… or maybe a double…”
“OB, eh? Stroke and distance, better hit another. Meanwhile, I think I’ll stand over on the side while you go give your contact info to the driver of that Escalade you just dinged.”
Easy-going banter about the weather, or sports, or the cart girl starts to shift to subtle attempts to get inside the other person’s head…
“Hypothetically, what’s the penalty for teeing up in front of the tee markers?”
“It seems like you have a tendency to hook that new driver more than your old one.”
“Gee, now you’re at that awkward distance where you can’t take a full swing with your wedge.”
“Do you inhale or exhale on your backswing?”
“Was your ex successful at getting more alimony?”
Game improvement is another area where the generosity of golfers becomes apparent. If one of your companions asks you to stand behind him to check his alignment, you’re always glad to help out, right? “Open your stance a little bit. A little more. There! You’re set up aimed at that bunker on the left.”
But what if the conversation goes like this?
“Wow! I just shot 47 on the front. How did you do?”
“41.”
“Will you play me straight up for a beer on the back? I need to do something to get my head back into the round.”
“Straight up?? What, do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck? You have to give me four strokes a side, or you can go pound sand!”
“But I’m having an awful day!”
“I can recognize when I’m being set up!”
Ah, the generosity of golfers…
And of course, who hasn’t heard this:
“Gee, what a terrible swing! Do you have another ball on you? I want to try that again.”
“Ahh, … no! I’ll get one out of the bag,” you reply, fondling that shiny new ProV1 in your pocket, and eying the water hazard fronting the green. “Here’s one,” you say, offering the scuffed up Top Flite you fished out of the pond by #7.
Generosity is always evident in the offer of "Good, good?", meaning to mutually concede a pair of putts. I always make the offer when I'm lying three and my opponent is lying four, even if he's away.
However, I shouldn’t be needlessly harsh. Any golfer will concede you a five foot putt, even in a competitive situation. That is, once you’ve already lost the hole…
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