The Lousy Stinking Par
A contradiction in terms?
So, let's be clear. A par is a good thing! As my buddy, Charlie, always says, "I'll take a whole case of them! You don't even have to gift wrap them!"
But... From time to time, I have been known to utter the phrase, "A lousy stinking par!" Actually, I evidently utter it often enough that my playing partners say it with a question mark when I make a spectacular par: I drive it behind a tree on the right, punch out with a two hybrid, smack a spectacular five iron next to the green, chip on, and sink a 30 foot breaking putt for a par 5. "Another lousy stinking par?" Well, no, I'm actually proud of that one!
Still, have you ever been severely disappointed to make a par? Like when you miss a three foot birdie putt? I don't get many chances at a three foot birdie putt, so yes, if I miss one, that's a lousy stinking par!
What if it's not quite a gimme? Say the birdie putt is 10 feet, not three feet ... Yes, if I miss that one, I'm still likely to utter "A lousy stinking par", but probably not with the same degree of vehemence.
However, I've found a few occasions to utter that when I didn't originally think I had any chance at a birdie. Take a 60 foot birdie putt with two breaks in it. There's that moment when it takes the second break and is on a direct line for the hole, and you realize it's going to go in, and you get that adrenaline rush with the realization that you've hit it pefectly... and then it stops, hanging over the hole, and your heart falls into your shoes. "Lousy stinking par!!!"
You don't even have to be on the green for that to happen. Say your approach shot fell a little short, and you're chipping on from twenty feet off the green. The chip lands on the fringe, skips once, and begins to roll toward the hole ... and then lips out! Lousy stinking par!!!
And of course, there's that rare (really rare!) occasion when you hit two dream shots in a row, and you're on the green of a par 5 lying two. And then you three-putt... Lousy Stinking Par!!!
Funny thing about lousy stinking pars though. I've noticed that no matter how gut-wrenching the lousy stinking par is, I never get any sympathy from my playing partners!
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